Guidelines for The Religiously Dysfunctional

A little tongue in cheek humor about religion and life….
Guidelines for the Religiously Dysfunctional

1) As I let go of my guilt, I can more easily get in touch with my inner sociopath.

2) I know that I can channel my imagination into ever greater opportunities… for paranoia and suspicion.

3) I willingly accept responsibility for my actions, except for the ones that I feel are somebody’s else’s fault.

4) I do not choose to deceive myself, punish or compromise myself unless I want to keep my job!

5) I have to remember, in some cultures, what I do is considered normal.

6) Having control over myself is almost as good as being able to control others.

7) My intution is so strong it almost makes up for my astonishing lack of good judgment!

8) I have learned to honor my personality flaws- without them, I would have no personality at all!

9) I now know that I need not suffer in silence- I get attention when I whimper and moan!

10) when someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is good… In fact, it much cheaper than a lawsuit, however nowhere near as satisfying!

11) The first step towards self improvement is to be able to say nice things about myself.
Second is to do nice things. The third is to find someone who will buy nice things for me.

12) As I learn to trust the universe, I will no longer feel that it is necessary to carry a gun.

14) I have learned to be at one with my duality.

15) I will honor all facets of my being, regardless of state and federal laws.

16) Just for today, I will not sit in my living room in my underwear; instead, I will move my TV and computer into my bedroom.

17) Becoming aware of my primary character faults leads me naturally to blaming my parents.

18) The key to a successful relationship, is learning how to make it look like I am giving as much as I am taking!

19) I have learned to accept making mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.

20) Before I will criticize anyone, I will walk a mile in his shoes… The, If he is angry with me, he will be barefoot and a mile away!

 

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