Life Stresses and Life Coaching:
Learning Ways to Cope; and Developing Ways to Thrive!
One of the most common complaints we hear from our family members and friends, from our coworkers and lets face it, from our society (!) is that we are feeling stressed!
There is very little exaggeration in the shared feelings that there just too little time, and too few resources or positive ways that assist us in identifying our causes of stress, and then, more importantly, learning strategies and remedies for those stresses and strains before they ruin our health or undermine our relationships.
Since it is true that everyone of us can experience stress and life challenges, it only makes pragmatic sense to identify those troublesome or challenges areas of our lives, and begin to deal with them as honestly and as effectively as we can…
The most widely used tools for identifying potential stressors that could cause or at least that could predispose a person to make significant shifts and changes in their lives is known by its creators as the Holmes and Raye Scale. It functions as a useful inventory and indicator of areas in your life that might be stressful and through one’s own evaluation, could support taking actions to reduce, delay, possibly prevent the perceived negative outcomes of these life events and experiences in your life.
We know some painful truths about human behavior and patterns of coping such as : What we resist, persists” and you cannot run for yourself, for “wherever you go, there you are!” and similar maxims that hold the truth that we cannot escape any issues or challenges without the possibility of paying a larger price or digging a deeper hole for ourselves.
Using charts, scales, and other tools can assist us in coming to grips with the challenges we have in our lives and by identifying them, we begin to resolve the difficulty and shift our awareness towards workable solutions. Here is a copy of the Scale most widely used…
Look through, and count up ones you have experienced in the last 12 months (some theorists stretch this out too 2 years…) Then take the numerical value of that experience, and add them together to arrive at your total score…
“The Social Readjustment Rating Scale: An inventory of common stressors This Social Readjustment Rating Scale was created by Thomas Holmes & Richard Rahe, University of Washington School of Medicine, in the late 1960s to provide a standardized measure of the impact of a wide range of common stressors. …
Life Event Value:
Death of Spouse 100 Divorce 73 Marital separation 65
Jail term 63 Death of close family member 63 Personal injury or illness 53
Marriage 50 Fired at work 47 Marital reconciliation 45 Retirement 45
Change in health of family member 44 Pregnancy 40 Sex difficulties 39
Gain of new family member 39 Business readjustment 39
Change in financial state 38 Death of close friend 37
Change to a different line of work 36
Change in number of arguments with spouse 35
Home Mortgage over $100,000* 31 Foreclosure or mortgage or loan 30
Change in responsibilities at work 29
Son or daughter leaving/coming home 29
Trouble with in-laws 29 Outstanding personal achievement 28
Spouse begins or stops work 26 Begin or end school 26
Change in living conditions 25 Revision of personal habits 24
Trouble with boss 23 Change in work hours or conditions 20
Change in residence 20 Change in schools 20 Change in recreation 19
Change in church activities 19 Change in social activities 18
Mortgage or loan of less than $100,000* 17 Change in sleeping habits 16 Change in number of family get-togethers 15
Change in eating habits 15 Single person living alone 13
A Caveat or A Guideline when totaling your scores:
“Interpretation of the overall score is difficult because of the large differences in each person’s ability to cope and their particular reactions to stress, but here are some general guidelines.
A total of 150 or less is good, suggesting a low level of stress in your life and a low probability of developing a stress-related disorder. If your score is 300 or more, statistically you stand an almost 80% chance of getting sick in the near future. If your score is 150 to 299, the chances are about 50%. At less than 150, about 30%. This scale seems to suggest that change in ones life requires an effort to adapt and then an effort to regain stability.” ( taken from the research article- bold emphasis is mine…)
If you have had some of these events and experiences, then maybe its time to consider life coaching or possibly to begin psychological care and counseling from a licensed professional…
Remember, coaching is NOT therapy; it is a more of a peer dialogue or a collaborative approach that tries to identify your gifts and your goals in the “here and now” and seeks to assist you in finding your best solutions or to introduce new skills and insights that would make problem solving more possible….
My particular approach involves looking to timeless world wisdom, and to spiritual teachings for our clues and new directions…
From these universal sources of inspiration and hope, we would work together to find which outlooks and approaches to life are the most effective and the most affirming to you, and to the goals and directions you seek…
I welcome your thoughts, and look forwards to ways that I could support you in your problem resolutions, and in how you can learn to thrive, despite having a list of life challenges!
And yes… a more in depth approach that carries the name of spiritual direction is also available… Interfaith guidance or companionship has seeks to deepen your sense of spirituality, refine your understanding of what being or choosing to be spiritual truly implies or involves, and can include a deeper investigation of world Scriptures and their teachings, and can include learning a wide variety of skillful means and spiritual practices that align with your needs, desires, aims and aspirations…